On the cheap

CANDY. With Valentine’s Day having likely snuck up on you, there’s a good chance that you can’t order fancy chocolates or fresh flowers before this afternoon. If you’re trying to play it low-key — or cut financial corners — and decide to hit the corner drugstore instead of Barney’s, at least prepare yourself for what your significant other will think.

SweeTart Hearts, $1.30
If you’re lucky ... she’ll know that you think she’s sweeter than Pixy Stix.
But otherwise ... she could think you’re in cahoots with your dentist, getting kickbacks for every root canal.

Hershey’s Giant Kiss, $4
If you’re lucky ... your boyfriend will appreciate your love of classic Americana, and the simple superiority of a half-pound of solid chocolate.
But otherwise ...  he may think you’re trying to say something about, er, size issues.

Necco Sweethearts, $.50
If you’re lucky ... the gift of chalky conversation hearts will be taken as an ironic,
irreverent salute to the Valentine’s tradition.
But otherwise ... you’ll be sending the message “We need to talk ... using only trite two-word phrases.”