The bride wore white. The groom? Eyeliner.

GOSSIP. A long, long time ago, we bought a book titled, “Jessica Simpson, I Do: Achieving Your Dream Wedding,” a beautiful collection of photos from Jessica Simpson’s marriage to Nick Lachey. Dressed in a puffy, white dress during the candlelit Texas ceremony, the fair young Jessica looked every bit like a princess. And who could forget her groom, Nick? He dressed up in his handsome tux, slicked his hair back, and looked just like someone who summers “down the Jersey shore.”

Sadly, as we know all too well, the marriage between the once-happy couple didn’t last. “Jessica Simpson, I Do” had to be closed and put on the shelf forever, never to be looked at again. But hark! Before we continue weeping at the sad ending to that fairytale wedding, it seems another Simpson is about to wed. Us Weekly reports that the younger Simpson, Ashlee, and the emo musician of her heart, Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz, are to be married at week’s end! Yes, the two are to be bound together in sacred matrimony at a “top secret” location on Saturday.

We hope that soon we’ll have another opportunity to purchase a book about sacred Simpson nuptials, one called “I Shrug: How Two Bored People Went About Achieving Some Sort of Something.” It's going to be fantastic.

Keep it up
Speaking of “secret” weddings, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon haven’t had enough of the media circus surrounding their union. On “Ellen” yesterday, Carey told host Ellen DeGeneres that Cannon’s plan is to “have one [wedding] every year.” Yikes. We’re sorry, Mariah lovers (and my, there are a lot of you out there), but we think we can translate Cannon’s meaning to be: “I’ve never had this much publicity in my whole life. I would really like this to keep up, forever and ever. Thank you.”