Why not give baby lingerie?

GOSSIP. Some kids just don’t stand a chance, you know? Case in point: Larry Birkhead — the ex-boyfriend of Anna Nicole Smith, who was awarded custody of her daughter, Dannielynn — blew $3,000 at an auction in Vegas on lingerie Anna Nicole once wore for a shoot in Playboy. Why’d he buy it? For the baby.

No, silly, not for her to wear. At least not until she completes the fourth grade. No, Birkhead said he wants 21-month-old Dannielynn to have something to remember her mother by. Because her mom’s money would be a horrible thing to remember her by, so let’s just spend all that now.

So sayeth Birkhead: “I have a lot of history I have to put together that she doesn’t really know about.”

You know what else a 21-month-old doesn’t know about? Multisyllabic words. A diaper-less existence. But, hey, lingerie is just as good a place to start as any.

The unexamined divorce

If a former supermodel gets divorced on Long Island, and the public isn’t invited to watch, will she still get a six-figure book deal? That was the Zen quandary posed to the judge in Christie Brinkley’s divorce from architect Peter Cook.

Brinkley requested the proceedings be open to the public, and the judge approved. Expect full camera-phone coverage from TMZ.

Cook, naturally, was less than pleased, saying he is upset Brinkley “has invited their children to attend the divorce trial.” He wouldn’t be so upset if he saw the actual invitations. They were adorable and classy all at the same time!

With pink gavels and cartoons of their dad having an affair with an 18-year-old! Allegedly!

Brinkley retorted that she’s still “hopeful that these matters can be resolved privately,” which doesn’t at all contradict the  whole public trial thing.