Crimes against humanity
GOSSIP. Selfish, selfish, selfish. Luxury watch model and Italian Tourism Board VP George Clooney has vowed to never have children. “I couldn’t do what Brad [Pitt] and Angie [Jolie] are doing,” Clooney said during a press conference at the Venice Film Festival. “I wouldn’t have the patience or dedication you need to take care of a family.”
Couldn’t, wouldn’t. So negative, Georgie! Listen, we get that you’re into this whole lifelong bachelor thing, and we respect that. Stay single. Bed as many aspiring model/actresses as you want. We’re not asking you to settle down. Well, maybe some of the model/actresses are, but ignore them for a second.
This whole children thing — it’s bigger than you. It’s bigger than us. It’s about the future of humanity. You cannot deprive the world of your rakish, swaggering genetic material. It’s anti-Darwinian!
Brad and Angelina get it, and they’re doing their part, but you don’t even have to go the whole family route. Heck, you can just knock someone up and leave the kid at a church or something. Just so long as you keep those genes in the pool.
Stepping on his game
Earlier this week, model parent Michael Lohan lashed out at Samantha Ronson for using her relationship with Lindsay Lohan for her own personal gain. Got all that? “She’s using my daughter,” the man famous for using his daughter told reporters. “People never even knew who Samantha Ronson was until she met Lindsay.” But Michael, aren’t you really upset because she’s totally biting your style?
As expected, Lindsay and Sam are outraged at his outrage. Ronson even took to her MySpace blog to vent about it. There were only, like, three typos, so you know she means business.
Lindsay responded to her father by calling up “Access Hollywood” and asking them to pass along this message: “I want him to stop hurting and talking to the media about the people I love.” Seriously, this family only communicates through entertainment news outlets now.
Zigga zig hmm?
Proving how incredibly open-minded she is, Spice Girl Mel B has not ruled out posing naked for Playboy magazine. “I was offered Playboy last year and again a couple of months ago, and I did turn them down,” she told Closer magazine, not at all bragging. “But that’s not to say I wouldn't consider it in the future.”
That’s awfully big of her. And we’re sure that if she does, the tastefully done centerfold will prove once and for all that Eddie Murphy is a loon for letting her out of his creepy paws.
