Weighing in on what’s real talent

GOSSIP. “Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria would like to set the record straight about something, you nosy, nosy entertainment reporters: She is not in a family way. She is not comparing paint samples for a nursery. She is not with child. Actually, we’ll let Longoria tell you, since she puts it best: “I’m not pregnant. I’m just fat.”

See? Straight, to the point. She’s the Hemingway of the “Housewives” cast, providing a lovely counterpoint to the gin-soaked country club ramblings of Marcia Cross’ Fitzgerald. (Since you were going to ask anyway, Teri Hatcher is the Gertrude Stein, but if you couldn’t figure that out, you obviously haven’t been paying attention.)

Longoria says she put on the weight for the new season of her show, a dramatized spin-off of “The Real Housewives of Orange County.” But there’s a baby bump and then there’s burrito bloat. So what really counts as “fat” in today’s Hollywood? “I gained five pounds over the summer,” Longoria said, according to Showbiz Spy. “So instead of a size 0, I’m a size 1.”

Color us impressed. She manages to deflect pregnancy rumors, seem self-deprecating, drop hints about how “method” she is without bragging, and make women everywhere feel awful about their bodies. Now that’s talent.

Naming names
Like any good gentleman, Daniel Radcliffe is refusing to dish when it comes to the identity of the woman he lost his virginity to when he was 16. He’s keeping mum on the identity because there was a bit of an age difference, you see. The “Harry Potter” star told Details magazine the age disparity “wasn’t ridiculous,” but that it would “freak some people out.”

Of course, this is all just a stealthy way for Radcliffe to let everyone know he’s done the dirty. So, to satisfy Mr. Potter (as if he isn’t satisfied enough already), we’ll give our congratulations. Well played. You’re very mature. A less restrained teen millionaire might’ve gone a different route, buying up huge billboards showing his face and the words ‘I totes had sexy times when I was 16! With a lady! Pwned!’