The Obama Cabinet: Some assembly required

You probably assumed that when Obama won the election he instantly became president and would immediately take the White House by force, pausing only long enough to give George W. Bush his constitutionally guaranteed 40-minute head start. In reality, the president-elect has two months of transition time to prepare himself for the job of trying to screw things up less badly than the guy before him.  

Obama’s biggest priority during the transition is choosing a cabinet. He’ll probably get one from Crate & Barrel, a step up from the cheap Ikea stuff the Senate uses. Even more crucially, however, he needs to choose a “Cabinet” of close advisors, including the secretaries of state, defense, television and sunshine. Traditionally, presidents slowly and carefully select Cabinet officers. Harry Truman famously delayed picking his postmaster general until 1973, a year after his death. Nonetheless, Obama is being pressured to choose right away. And as America has learned, the best way to make a decision is to rush through it as quickly as possible.

 Obama’s emphasis on “competent” appointees may prove to be a fatal stumbling block. Choosing a treasury secretary, for instance, will be particularly daunting. Formerly, it was easy to throw any tweedy old guy into the position as long as he could wear a tie and talk forever without making any sense. Now, however, with the bad economy, people are paying attention. Obama won’t be able to fall back on the trick of appointing a series of terrible or corrupt treasurers in order to make himself look better by comparison.

There’s no more successful Cabinet than President Bush’s, which triumphantly accomplished its only goal: deflecting blame from the president. Bush had high standards for appointees — they had to be so eager for his love they’d do anything he asked. So fully did they follow this command that when Bush steps down, expect him to exercise executive privilege by having the Cabinet made mute so they can never reveal his secrets. If Obama’s smart, he’ll someday do the same to his own loyal group of miscreants. Also, he should choose the Loop Filing Cabinet. It’s the best value for the price.

Elliott Kalan is a writer for “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.”